Sensitive when Dry

It has been a while since the last time I published my notes. Feel so dry, and no inspiration. Anyway, here I am, suddenly have a longing to write again.

Anyway, I am going to write about what I have learned these few days. For the last two weeks, I am studying about marriage (but I am not going to talk about it now). It is mostly taken from the story in Bible when Isaac took Rebecca as his wife. The whole process teaches me a lot of things. Maybe I will write about it next time.

So, what exactly am I going to talk now? Well, there are some incidents in my usual quiet life in London. And those events prompt me to ask some questions and also raise some doubts regarding my very own spiritual life. I think this post will be relevant to a lot of us, Christians.

For the last few days, there is a certain event that prompt me to ask, “Am I sensitive enough of His voice?”. Of course I have faith in God, but there are times when I do the things not because of I know it is His will, but because it is the most sensible thing to do at that particular time. It takes me some thinking to realize it, because as I said before, doing the most sensible thing is natural human reaction. It takes an extra effort to ask myself, “Is this what He wants?”, or in other popular question, “What would Jesus Do?”.

I guess, each person is given different sensitivity of God’s voice. Sometimes, we like to say that some people are more ‘spiritual’, because he/she has better spiritual life. For example, I cannot deny that some people do not feel as immerse as me in the church worship, some people just don’t feel that ‘feeling’! Does it mean, that they are less spiritual in God’s eyes? Only God knows! Nevertheless, I believe that spiritual sensitivity is something that is given, so everyone will have different sensitivity at one particular time.

By no means that I imply people will be judge on the spiritual sensitivity! Some people are just more sensitive, and God will judge every person based on how much they are given. If you are more sensitive that other people to God’s voice, then if you decide to ignore His voice, of course you will be in worse position than people who are not given the same sensitivity as you.

One point to be noted, the first time Rebecca saw Issac, what was he doing? He was praying. Such as man that is very sensitive. I am not saying that we should pray and let other people see us, but what Issac did was an outflow of what is inside. Not the other way around.

Another important point is that this sensitivity can be developed. Just as how a child can recognize the footstep of his father coming home, we, as the children of God, can train ourselves to listen to Him. One of the most powerful way to train is through the constant immersion in God’s word.

I am one of those guys, who struggle to read Bible everyday. Even though I know that it is a must for me, but sometimes I find it so hard to understand the language in the bible and to develop a discipline to do that. I have to admit that there are certain moments in my life when I give up the discipline completely. But no matter how often I avoid this responsibility, there is always a calling for me, from every direction, and I guess, these few days have been another wake up call for me.

“Blessed are those who are poor in spirit..”

“Ask and you will receive..”

Those are the words that stab into my heart. I asked myself, am I being sensitive enough? And somehow, I cry in my heart. And I feel so lacking in front of Him, I feel that I have been so far, and I am so hungry. Somehow, there is an irony in the first statement.

I guess, we are spiritual fulfilled, when we poor in spirit. That is the irony. It is when we realize that we need Him more and more, that we fill our spiritual longing. It is when we are broken, when we ask to be filled that we get. Suddenly, it makes sense why only those people inherit the Kingdom of God, for they will receive what they have asked. Remember the word, “Ask and you will receive?”, what a powerful teaching.

Remember, “When I am weak, then I am strong?”. Those statements are repeated so many times in our song, but have we truly dive into the depth of that statement? The more I contemplate the depth of His teachings, the more I realize that there are some much depths in His teachings. They are not just simple catch-phrase or sentences. It is much more beautiful than I thought. There are so many times when I can’t hold my tear, when I dive into the depth of His words.

When I am weak, I need Him. I am dry. I want Him. I feel weak now. The more I ask, the more I receive, the more I realize, then I am strong. He is with me. But I am only strong when I am weak. If I am strong, then I am weak. Read it slowly. It is not just some random blabbering from me.

So, I can say, people are spiritually mature, are people who need Him the most. It is because those are people who constantly seek the Kingdom of God, and in the end, it is theirs and of course, like what He said, the rest will be added.

I feel strongly about it right now, because if we feel self-sufficient in our spirituality, it will become the first step toward spiritual arrogance. There are no other alternative, we need to commit our time for God, reading His word, increasing our spiritual sensitivity. What other way can we identify His will if we are not willing to make this sacrifice?